(photo taken: April 7, 2016)
Yes I'm finally back with another blog post! I either blog every day, twice a day maybe, or I don't blog for months..there's no in between!
So earlier this month, Milton and I were walking around downtown..like always. These three chicks came up to us, early to mid 20's maybe. They asked if we knew English and Spanish and if we could translate for them. Milton did the talking because I'm always quiet. The girls were talking with a Hispanic man in a wheelchair. They said that a few days prior they talked with a man in a wheel chair who has been paralyzed for nine years, they prayed all together and he was able to get up and walk. They wanted to try the same thing with this man and just share their message and the joy they had.
Now let me tell you real quick, although I'm not "Catholic", I'm also not an atheist. But when I hear these things I need to stop myself from rolling my eyes. I'm not judging, but if all it takes was a prayer, wouldn't hospitals be empty? There wouldn't be as many people with such horrible illnesses. But I mean hey, if your faith is that strong, then that's great. I just don't believe in that stuff. Let me add that the man NEVER said he was paralyzed. He said that his legs ache when he tries getting up, but he didn't say he was immobile. So the 3 girls decided to do a prayer while holding the man's hands. They helped him get up and said his legs didn't hurt too much. They were so amazed and happy..but once again, I'm not being an ass about this, but he never said he was paralyzed or anything!
One of the girls stayed talking to him while the other two turned to us and thanked us for helping out. There was one with an accent and an Asian one. I wasn't ignoring them, but I also didn't want to be there. By this time more people began to surround us wondering what was happening while two guys were playing the guitar and the other singing. The girl with the accent began talking to Milton about faith and what his thoughts were while the Asian girl and I were standing there. I kept nodding and smiling every now and then, but also kept looking away. I was able to see the other girl staring at me. I just thought, "damn she thinks I'm the devil, she sees my sins!"
She turned to me and asked me if I believe in Jesus, among other questions. I never really gave a definite answer because I honestly don't know what I believe in regarding religion. I have so many questions and doubts. She then reached into her bag and asked if she could give me something. I accepted the paper (picture above) and thought it was nice. "You are the apple of his eye" it said, me being dumb I thought she was talking about Milton and I, I thought that was sweet and smiled while looking at him. I guess she knew I had a different meaning because she asked if I knew what it meant. That's when it came to my head that she meant "His"..as in God. I'm like ohhhhh.
She said she enjoys drawing things like that, and that when she saw me she felt that this belonged to me. Now here's where the psychology kicks in because they make you want to feel "a calling" I guess. She said that looking at me, she knew that the paper was for me. I'll just quote everything she told me..
"Looking at you, your face, something tells me this is for you. God is always looking at you and he's so amazed and proud that you're His daughter. He's your #1 fan in everything you do, every step you take. He's always cheering on you saying, 'yeah that's my daughter, I can't believe I created something so beautiful!' He's always rooting for you and is always so excited to see what your next step is!"
See what I mean? Making me feel beautiful lol While she was telling me all this I kept saying "nope, no, not at all" in my head. And I did feel a bit emotional. Why? Let's be honest, I'm doing nothing with my life. Am I happy about it? Hell no! Haven't been able to get a job, I'm still unsure about going to school, like what have I accomplished? And I wanted to tell her I haven't done one thing to make myself or anyone proud. So why is she going to stand here telling me this when it's not true? And I did feel like a horrible person but at the moment I was confused a bit but mostly mad because it was kind of throwing it in my face in the way that someone is always cheering on me whenever I do something. WHAT IS IT THAT I DO??
I kept nodding and smiling, but that smile said it all I guess. She went on and asked me what it was that I knew about God, if I wanted to build a relationship with Him, what I thought happened to us once we pass away. And let me be honest, if it was a different scenario, if it was in a room and not in the street I might have started an actual conversation. But I wasn't about to talk about my "faith" or concerns in the middle of Downtown! So I kept my answers short and I kept looking over at Milton trying to give him that "let's leave" face. And after a while we did.
Did I keep the sign? Yes, it's in my room. I felt maybe it would give me some type of motivation to go to school at least, or try and find some other opportunity. I've tried sooo hard to find a job, the jobs I'm so passionate about don't even give me a chance because I get nervous or shy. That shouldn't determine my abilities and passion I have towards something! I'll save that for another post. I explained to my mum what happened and she said she knows what the girl saw. That whenever we have a conversation regarding religion, I have a look of uncertainty on my face. A look that is pushing away but at the same time interested, a confused look. And I guess that is true!