Guilt | 31

(photo taken: October 26, 2015)

As you can tell, tonight's post isn't about a throwback picture. I felt I needed to blog about this today, although I don't feel the guilt as much anymore.

DISCLAIMER: Today marks a month since I began to blog! 

The story begins, and ends, at the bus stop. I was waiting for the bus to head to Downtown since I was already "late", but I still got there late because the bus took forever! An old lady maybe in her late 50's early 60's (I don't know how to tell age) walked by and stood by my side. We began to make small talk after she asked me if I had been waiting long and if the bus had passed already. We were talking a bit, and I noticed she reached into her purse and something fell. But I didn't see what it was, I thought it was a tissue or those cards they hand out on Alvarado. It wasn't until later that I noticed it was money. I was looking around, I don't know if anyone else saw when she dropped the money. She kept talking to me and I thought she was testing me to see how honest the youth is now a days. Apparently not so honest! 

I still don't know if she was testing me or if she really didn't notice it. I felt uncomfortable so I moved towards the bus stop checking to see if any bus came. Her bus came and she said bye and got on, I noticed the bill was still there. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! I didn't want to leave it there laying because I think someone else had their eye on it as well. But I didn't want to take it because in a way I would be stealing from an old lady. Once my bus came I decided to step on the bill to hide it. Once the bus came everyone went towards it and I just picked it up, I wasn't slick at all. I noticed it was a 10, but I wasn't happy about it. Not because it wasn't a bigger bill, but because I didn't know if I made the right decision. People can say what they want, but when it comes down to some things I'm too honest.

One time I went to Robeks at Macy's Plaza. I ordered my smoothie and paid. When I got my change I got $2 extra in return. Any other person would have just kept it, but I felt bad because I didn't know if the guy was new or if he'd get in trouble somehow for not having accurate money in the cashier. So I let him know he gave me extra money and he smiled and thanked me, saying it's great to know there's honest people like me in the world. So it felt good knowing that I wasn't selfish. I told my mum and she called me "pendeja" lol I felt that if I kept it, it wouldn't feel right.

I was obviously too late because the old lady had left, although she said she would get off on the next street, but who knew where she had gone. And the thing that made me feel worse was that she said she was going to buy something for her granddaughter when she'd pick her up from school. For my selfishness she didn't have that 10 and she was probably short on money for her granddaughter! I immediately told Milton, and once I got home I told my mum. They both convinced me that it was my luck, and that the old lady must have had more cash on her. I then joked saying that was her pocket change and she'd have 20's and 50's in her purse.

I don't know guys, I still feel a bit guilty. Especially since yesterday I got a cleansing yesterday (Placita Olvera, definitely should go get one, they are there until November 2nd, and no it's not anything bad) and now I'm sinning by stealing from an old lady. But hopefully she didn't even realize. It's still there, I haven't spent it. I was thinking of doing something with it like buying a meal for a homeless person, giving it to the church, just doing something nice, kind of like passing it on. Then I won't feel as bad because I know I didn't keep it for myself and it wasn't a selfish act. I'm always complaining that I never find money in the streets, like my dad and Milton, and the day I find more than $1 the guilt kills me, just my luck!